Narrator: It was New Year’s Eve and the night of the party was here.
Stepsister 1: (laughing) Ha, ha! We are so going to have a great time at the party.
Stepsister 2: (laughing) Have a great night working, Cindyrella.
Narrator: After the not-so-very-nice step sisters had left, suddenly, some lady who look a lot like Marti Fischer appeared in the form of the fairy godmother. Note: It says “godmother” not “grandmother.” Though most renditions have her looking like an old frumpy grandmother, that is certainly not the case with Marti Fischer. Marti may be a grandmother but she sure doesn’t look like one as our Catch audience will vouch for. And why does Cindyrella get a fairy godmother anyway? Probably because she’s such a saccharine sweet, even-tempered, obedient, pious little angel of a passive, personality-deficient worker drone doormat, and only Good Girls™ like her are worthy of divine intervention.
Cindyrella: Where did you come from?
Fairy godmother: It’s not important to know who I am or where I came from. As soon as I find my wand, I am here to help you turn a sad situation in which it looks like you have lost all hope into something wonderful.
Narrator: But the magic can’t start until the fairy godmother finds her lost wand. At which point we question whether someone who misplaces a wand should be allowed to wield one freely. But find it she did, waving her magic wand, and as she did…
Cindyrella: Wait a minute, is that an Aston Martin DBS Superleggera, with a5.2-liter twin-turbocharged V12 engine generating a mighty 715 horsepower and a terrifying top speed of 211 mph?
Fairy godmother: Yes it is! And what else would you expect from a fairy godmother like me? This will get you to the party quickly, my dear, and, even more importantly, home before midnight!
Narrator: And then there’s the part where the mice turn into security guards and the dog into her chauffeur, who looks a lot like the very John Fischer we know! Right before our very eyes.
Fairy godmother:Well, hop in my, dear. We can’t waste time.
Cindyrella: But, uh…
Fairy godmother: Oh … Don’t even try to thank me.
Cindyrella: Oh, I wasn’t… I mean, I am thankful, but … but don’t you think my dress…
Fairy godmother: Yes, it’s lovely, dear, lov…[realizing] Good Heavens, child! You can’t go in that!
Narrator: With a wave of her wand, Cindyrella’s rags immediately turn into a Valentino appliquéd silk-organza gown originally $32,900 but marked down to $11,515 – a 65% savings!
Cindyrella: Are you kidding me?!!!.
Narrator: And on her feet were a pair of high heels with red soles – unmistakably Christian Louboutin selling at Barneys New York for $3,095, but don’t even try, Cinderella’s fairy godmother bought the last pair.
Cindyrella: No, seriously, you’re joking, right?
Narrator: Pointing out her entirely fabulous footwear, she uttered possibly the most charming thing a princess could say.
Cindyrella: “Why, it’s like a dream. A wonderful dream come true.”
Narrator: And we cheer as the fairy godmother sends her off to meet her handsome prince. And the fairy godmother waves goodbye with her wand, which is twice as cool as just with a hand.
Even the skeptics among us can’t watch this scene without resigning to the fact that there’s just something utterly smile-inducing about seeing a little bit of fairy dust make a girl’s dream come true.
Before she departs, the Fairy Godmother gives Cindyrella a word of caution: at the stroke of twelve, the spell will be broken, and everything will return to normal.
Cindyrella: Wait!! By midnight – Or what??!!
Narrator: Grateful for the gifts anyway, Cindyrella thanks her fairy godmother and happily rides off to the ball as fairy godmother bids her farewell.
Narrator: Cindyrella, was now being comfortably whisked off to the New Year’s Eve Party in style, in her “carriage,” the new Aston Martin DBS Superleggera. It should be no surprise to anyone in this audience that John Fischer, Cindyrella’s dog turned chauffeur, who had just uploaded to his iPhone the newly remastered digital version of his album, Inside, couldn’t resist the opportunity to try it out on the incredible sound system inside the Aston Martin. So all the way to the ball, the screaming guitar licks of Phil Keaggy could be heard on the song “I’ve Been Hiding.” And indeed, Cinderella felt she was hiding inside her freshly discovered beauty. No one would recognize her, and no one did.
Stepsister 1: Who is that? She has to be some sort of a celebrity, but where are the lights, cameras and paparazzi? No one seems to know who she is.
Stepsister 2: No kidding. What a mystery.
Stepsister 1: Oh no!!! Wait!! This can’t be!! The prince is going to go dance with her!
Stepsister 2: This is so not fair! He was supposed to dance with me!
Narrator: As the stepsisters began to fight over who the prince should dance with, he walked towards Cindyrella while winking at the band up on the stage as if to alert them to be ready for some pre-planned event.
Prince: Would you like to dance with me?
Cindyrella: Why, yes, your highness. I would be thrilled.
Narrator: The Prince was obviously smitten, but so was Cindyrella.
At once the band began the intro to John Fischer’s “Two Years,” and you’ll never guess who the band was. It was the Catch Ministry Board of Directors! On the bass drum was their name, “The BODS.” Yes, folks, it was Mike Boland on bass, Rob Stutzman on guitar, John Styll on drums, Alex Klein on saxophone and up jumped Cindyrella’s chauffeur to sing, “And I love you more cause you’ve opened up the door to the worst and the best inside me …” It was a magical moment followed by dance after dance after dance and neither the Prince nor Cinderella saw anyone else in the room. And no one in the room saw anyone else but Cindyrella and the Prince. All of this was well-documented on everyone’s Facebook, Instagram and social media feeds.
But suddenly — just like that — the spell was broken by the pealing of the clock. It was midnight!
Prince: What’s wrong?
Cindyrella: I must go!! I have like one bar left on my iPhone battery, and I need to get my end-of-the-year contribution into The Catch Ministry before midnight!
Prince: Looking both saddened and shocked, “You do have a point there! I’m not saying it’s a showstopper between us that you hadn’t made your contribution yet, but still…”
What if Cindyrella misses the deadline? Is this Prince a member of The Catch community, too? On the edge of your seat? One more email until the real clock strikes twelve. Will the Prince ever find Cindyrella? What if Cindyrella misses the deadline? Have you? Check your inbox, there’s still more to this story.
[Marti wants me to apologize for the poor use of product placement at the end of this episode. It is pretty bad. But thanks for sticking with us anyway and putting up with our fundraising efforts. Be sure and catch the Commentary below.]