Song of a narcissist looking to be released

Time for You by John Fischer from the album, “Casual Crimes”

[Click on title to stream song.]

I have been the subject of an endless themeth-2

And the star in everybody else’s dream

I have fought the demons of my own dark night

Finding only shadows in the dawning light

 

My ship is in; my debt is due

The time is now — the time for you

 

I have crossed the chasms of my casual crimes

I have passed the sign at least a thousand times

Waiting for a hand to rescue me

While at any time I could have walked out free

 

My ship is in; my debt is due

The time is now — the time for you

 

There are no more places where my heart can flee

There are no more friends to give me sympathy

I am out of reasons; I am out of time

I am out to make it in the uphill climb

 

My ship is in; my debt is due

The time is now — the time for you

Step 8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

This is the song of a narcissist (me) waking up to the fact that there are people outside of self who count more than he does.  It seems like a given. It seems like something mostly everyone knows instinctively (and most do), but it’s a class I missed. It’s a sign I didn’t see. It’s something everyone gets by the time they are four or five years old that I skated right by. I have people I can blame for this, but that doesn’t help me now. So what? (They’re dead now anyway, so I can’t make amends even if I wanted to.)

It is my place in the world that puts me in context with those around me. People are everywhere; people are like me; but they are most distinctively not me. They are someone else, and I desperately need to connect. The world is full of someone elses, some of whom I have harmed because of my addiction to myself. Time to make amends.

So it’s “Time for you,” where “you” is anybody but me.

I apologize if this is going right by you because this is probably not your problem. But maybe you can see yourself and your own addictions in here somewhere and receive the same encouragement I have received from these steps to make things right. I am a tiny little dot among billions of tiny little dots on a tiny little planet revolving around a relatively small sun. Who’s at the center of all this? Well it obviously isn’t me.

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3 Responses to Song of a narcissist looking to be released

  1. John A Fagliano says:

    The key to your whole column today is “I have people I can blame for this, but…” We can all relate. Making amends with someone doesn’t mean approaching them with a whole bunch of excuses. It’s more like your song. The time for all that is over. You don’t have to be a narcissist to know it’s hard to be humble and own up.

  2. Sandie says:

    “Love Means Never Having To Say You’re Sorry.” What a crock that line was, and how stupid were we to think it was so inspired! After almost 50 years of marriage, I can say that love means having to say you’re sorry, means having to seek forgiveness, too many times to count. True love goes the extra step though…the step of repentance; the step of turning away from the behavior that destroys…and seeking the way to a better way of relating to others, and not just to the ones you love. We think having to seek forgiveness is a humbling, embarrassing thing; when in fact it leads to freedom and spiritual renewal for everyone involved.

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